2015 - Blog

© Geberit AquaClean 2015	I love being cheeky!
	Horace & Doris Plymouth Herald 2015

A DIARY ABOUT A LACK OF ROMANCE IN TEN EPISODES EXCEPT THE LAST EPISODE

THE STRAP LINE TO CLING ON TO

Daffinition: only a language if spelt with a capital 'R' – otherwise a daffodil

2004, Saturday 14th February: Amanda conducted us whilst I struggled to put two notes in the correct place...because I was day-dreaming about a romantic walk in the sunlit meadows on a lovely day in Summer – on my own of course. In any event, my lack of musical prowess precluded me from playing the romance properly.

2005, Monday 14th February: Would you believe it! – I received another notification from Bob Vegas telling me I had won a fantastic prize. In your dreams! But I did receive – from an anonymous colleague – a mug with a large red heart emblazoned on the outside...and little hearts inside so that when I drink my tea I see red hearts. I did not consider – not knowing the identity of the sender – as being important.

2006, Tuesday 14th February: Carol at the Fruit and Flower Shop, where I worked part-time, was delighted with the footfall of eager – mainly gentlemen – rushing in to buy bunches of red roses to give to their 'Significant Other'. I opine that flowers in a centrally-heated house do not last – so I would rather receive something that does not wilt so quickly...but then I suppose something naughty to eat lasts even less time.

2007, Wednesday 14th February: I met David, my local Community Service Officer, at the Local Authority's Liaison Meeting: David planned to take his 'Significant Other' – at that time he was still being politically correct by calling Estelle his 'wife' – out for a romantic meal. All I wanted to do was go home and curl up as I was 'under-the-weather' [as one might be in February] and dosed up with brufen: anyway, I fit eating into a busy schedule and have no time for lingering...to gaze into someone's eyes.

2008, Thursday 14th February: In an old picture frame which I purchased on a bric-a-brac stall at the Community Centre, I found a sepia photograph of an Army Corp...in uniforms suitable for attending the Arena of War in hot climes. I asked Frank, who is knowledgeable about uniforms: Frank identified the Corp as being on a training exercise just before the Great War, somewhere in the Home Counties. Were these men going on a chivalrous mission with romanticized dreams of immortality?

2009, Saturday 14th February: I had a '...pleasurable feeling of excitement and wonder...' associated with gazing out of the window during my train journey – a mandatory means of transport on any short trip, or any longer journey away on holiday. I enjoy people-watching, but the opportunities for acquiring a smut in the eye which, of necessity, needs to be removed by a tall, dark, handsome stranger...are now much reduced when travelling behind a diesel locomotive.

2010, Sunday, 14th February: Grace and Howard had called in recently but, whilst sitting together on my small Davenport...and so, inevitably, they were cosily close to each other...Howard knocked Grace's cup of herbal tea all over my cushions. They were both full of apologies; they took the covers off; I popped them in the washing machine; the bags of feathers were aligned along the radiator. We did manage to finish our game of Scrabble.

2011, Monday, 14th February: Izzy – James's and Kathy's beautiful blue marl collie puppy reached adolescence whilst James was away in his submarine and Kathy was out. Izzy chewed a hole in the wooden fence (which James had erected round the garden) so that she (Izzy) could cross my garden to reach Lupin, the Dalmatian dog, in my other neighbours' garden. James was 'somewhat' angry when he discovered the hole in the fence (my japonica being the only obstruction to Izzy's planned seduction activities) as said hole was large enough for Izzy to get through.

2012, Tuesday 14th February: I sent a video of On the Buses to my cousin-in-law, Maurice, who is rather keen on tinkering with all sorts of vehicles – large and small – and in the past had been a bus driver. Maurice did attempt to give me driving lessons in his vintage bus but this was, as ever, a coupling doomed to failure: men should not teach women to drive but, paradoxically, most driving instructors are the male of the species.

2013, Thursday 14th February: When I am at the Leisure Centre I rarely notice a 'body beautiful' but I confess to looking at those bodies which might not be considered to be high in the beauty stakes. Nancy astonished me. Nancy had a thumb (as usual) but only one apposing finger on her right hand; none of her digits had developed on her left hand; and her toes were not in the top ten. Her joy was 100/10.

2014, Friday 14th February: On this day Oliver died after 50 years of marriage to Pamela. Together with her extended family, Pamela will remember her husband's death on St Valentine's Day...with love.

daffodil: n. a bulbous plant bearing bright yellow flowers with a long trumpet-shaped centre. (Narcissus pseudonarcissus and related species)

daffy: n. a small daffodil, a. mildly eccentric

Jeanette Hipsey