Letter from Jeanette to Edwin 2nd January 1996

2 January 1996

Dear Edwin

At the outset of my correspondence with you I shall be on forename terms so please do address me as "Jeanette". I am reputed to have a rather forthright and possibly aggressive approach to communication with my fellow passengers through life which can lack kindness and tact. This undoubtedly arose as a survival mechanism as I was a rather shy, indecisive and unassertive teenager and young adult and, in order to protect myself from difficulties I met in communicating on any level, I set up this brash and overbearing manner as a form of self-protection.

There is no doubt in my mind that we must be distantly related as I see from your enclosed Tree that the whole Hipsey "clan" seems to have originated in Essex. My father was born in Battlesbridge on 10 November 1907. He gave me a subsequent address of Nanaspittle-on-Crouch, Graneary, Battlesbridge. I have not got a map of sufficient large scale to check on the spellings of these admittedly rather rural and small villages - query suburbia of Battlesbridge - but he was certainly born and brought up in Essex. His forenames are Charles, Arthur. Charles is taken from a maternal uncle and Arthur from his father. His father died in a bizarre accident when an old fashioned cast iron ice-cream maker fell off a shelf in farm dairy onto him: my father was apparently about 16 at the time (1923?). My father thinks his father was in his middle 40’s when he was killed. His mother was a Thirza Dawson and by the time I knew her she was Mrs Turner having remarried and acquired a family of at least 3 step children. My Grandmother lived until her 80s: she ended her days in a nursing home along the Braywick Road in Maidenhead.

The bakery business still being run by Mr Turner in Binfield, Berkshire, when he was fairly elderly got broken up when my grandmother had the classic accident of slipping whilst getting into a bus and breaking her femur. Mr Turner could not survive for long on his own as he was virtually blind (even though I can still remember him baking bread in an old fashioned baker's oven). He had a heart attack after residing in Mortimer blind home for some years: my grandmother died when I was about 12 I think - (1953?).

Daddy was the youngest of a family of 4 and the only boy: hence when his 3 elder sisters married the children they produced where not called Hipsey. Gladys, the eldest sister, married a Mr Gibbs who ran gents' outfitters in Milford-on-sea and had one daughter Joyce. Auntie Gladys was found floating in Yarmouth Harbour on the Isle-of-Wight, in the late 1950s; there was a suggestion of suicide but the verdict was left open. Auntie Eve, the middle sister, then married Mr. Gibbs. Auntie Eve (interestingly!) lived for 19 years with Hilda: It was only when I was "quite old in the tooth" that this undoubtedly lesbian relationship was talked about. It is also interesting that she snapped up Uncle George (Gibbs) - a stalwart lay member of the church - so readily! Unfortunately Auntie Eve died an unpleasant death following cancer of the breast about 15 years ago. Phyllis the youngest sister married a Martin Ambrose and they had one son, Bevan; Bevan I believe has now got through 3 wives but as he is called Ambrose this is of no consequence to you! You may gather correctly that I did not get to know my relatives all that well: irrespective of the disruption of the war, there was some estrangement between my mother and her sister-in-laws, particularly Auntie Eve who was - my mother felt - very jealous when she married her baby brother and persuaded daddy to be secretive about Gladys being born before the appropriate length of time after their parents' marriage although my mother had been entirely frank about her disrupted family background.

My mother was Grace Lilian Florence Finnie: born in Sheffield on 12 January 1907. She had a younger sister and brother. When she was about 5 her mother pushed off with another man and the family was shuttled from boarding house to boarding house to be looked after by not necessarily sympathetic landladies whilst her father continued to work as a plane maker. She was, like so many of her generation, not ambitious in her expectations during the depression and when old enough worked as a domestic servant. She was parlour maid for the Parkers in Maidenhead when she met my father calling at the Tradesmen’s entrance apropos his business in insurance. They were married on 6 June 1935 (which my mother frequently remarked became V-E Day - wrong - D-day: but my sister and I never corrected her). Mummy died on 17 January 1989 - having suffered a heart attack at the age of 67 and a stroke at the age of 75. It never ceased to amaze my sister and I how a lady of such an emotional, ingenuous and querulous disposition creaked on for so long. We felt that we only then were able to observe our father's personality which had been smothered by mummy to whom he was devoted. I as the single daughter had a sense of personal freedom: it was a great release for mummy as her life was dogged by constant malaise due to cerebral ischaemia.

Gertrude Ethel Finnie was born on 25 February 1908 and her brother, Alec, sometime in 1909. Uncle Alec died following a heart attack when he was about 73 having survived the war in spite of being a prisoner of the Japanese. He had a wife, Dolly, and they had 3 children, Mavis, Jack and John but I will not enlarge on the Finnie side of my family as it will, no doubt, add to your confusion about information for the Hipsey Family Tree to which the Finnies are not relevant except by marriage. I must, however, tell you about Auntie Gert because she is a single lady who was a second mum to my sister, Ann, and I. Auntie Gert supported our mother - in spite of them being such different personalities - with moral support whilst daddy was away in the war and mummy was almost beside herself with coping with 2 young children. Auntie had a stroke some 9 years ago and is now living in a Residential home in Chigwell, Essex. When my parents married they moved to a house at Woodlands Park, a small village outside Maidenhead in Berkshire: 6 months afterwards the fields of waving corn opposite disappeared under the West London Aerodrome which was initially a small civilian aerodrome but rapidly became more busy when war broke out: I can remember WRAF girls lodging with us. My mother offered these girls accommodation rather than work in a factory. As she had such an unhappy childhood herself she was determined to give of her all to her 2 daughters and be at home. Consequently to some extent she became misguided in her efforts to protect me in particular against the vicissitudes of life and when I became a young adult I found it difficult to gain self-confidence and embark on any relationship for fear of it causing the distresses my mother had exhibited as being part and parcel of being a wife and mother. Added to which I was educated at a girls' grammar school and then went into the Nursing profession which, at that time was still a bit like going into a cloistered nunnery! I wonder what your wife's thoughts might be on this remark of mine. Consequently I was a bit of a "blue stocking" and "tomboy" and totally unconfident in any social interaction which might have resulted in marriage. After I acquired my little "Englishwoman's castle" in Colebrook Road (in 1970) - realising that there would come a point when I could no longer live in Nurses Homes'- I did become acquainted with Ron over a period of years. Ron was some 13 years older than me and had shrapnel wounds in interesting places - he lied about his age to get away from an intolerable home environment and spent the war in the Fleet Air Arm. He had 3 very attractive daughters but his marriage had ceased to exist in all but domestic convenience (I do believe that although I may be classed as the "scarlet Woman"!) and he did divorce. His tastes were simple - as well as sharing a mutual interest (gardening of course) and consuming my whisky he was a good friend but as long as he remained with me he was estranged from his daughters and so we parted without rancour.

My sister left home before me to do Nursing Training and I followed 2 years later. I got my foot through the door of St Bartholomew’s in London as my sister was already a third-year student there, but in spite of my greater academic qualifications, I was unable to integrate into the hierarchy of a large London teaching hospital which, at that time, had a system of "elections" at which they weeded out those students whom - the felt - did not fit in with their team which is only "as strong as its weakest link".

I subsequently transferred to the Elizabeth Garrett Anderson Hospital to complete my training: this small hospital has now been closed and Nurse Training is now based at central Colleges of Health.

I came to Plymouth in 1965 to undertake my Midwifery Training which then had to be undertaken in 2 parts. I yet again followed in my Sister's footsteps which might be considered a mistake as we (like mother and aunt) are poles apart - having said that we have become better friends as we matured. I spent 21 years nursing on the Special Care Baby Unit at Freedom Fields Hospital (this is now the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at Derriford, the local District General Hospital). I then made the heinous crime of a drug error which shattered my confidence and the technology in this sphere of intensive nursing was increasing and overreaching my abilities to cope (I would like to add that no patients ever came to any harm because of my errors and my conscientiousness was not questioned). I was offered the opportunity to refresh myself at a Neonatal Course in another hospital but as I felt that I could not expect to "survive" for the rest of my working life in such an intensive sphere, and I had not nursed adults for so long, I attended a Medical Secretarial Course at the local College of Further Education which was just then (September 1986) being advertised in the local press. I felt somewhat isolated emotionally and intellectually amongst my 16-year old fellow pupils but I stayed the course. These fellow pupils always greet me on very friendly terms if I meet them around the Hospital. Since my secretarial training I have worked briefly in the Estates Department of Plymouth University (only recently raised from Polytechnic status) and then "turned up like the bad penny" as a Locum Medical Secretary in Plymouth Health Authority Establishments. I am quite useful to have around as a relief as I do not have family commitments and so am available when married personnel wish to take time off; and I can offer a full-time working week. I have - at last - just been given a permanent contract to work in the Neurosurgical Department at Derriford Hospital.

It might not be apparent but I am trying to clarify some of the observations which you made in your letter: hence the above paragraph of mine will explain how I come to be working in the local hospital. It would also seem apparent that I am older than you realised. I was born in Maidenhead on 27 January 1941 where I also received my education. My father is still alive and resident at 15 Norris House, Boyn Hill Avenue, Maidenhead, Berkshire SL6 4ES. Apropos this elderly and eccentric gentleman (after whom his daughter takes I hear you saying), only recently my father's state of mind has become sufficiently confused as to cause concern. I visited him on 28 to 31 December 1995 and he spent the whole of my visit coping with the disruption to his routine caused by the Christmas and New Year festivities. His accommodation is in a Warden Controlled bedsit and Mr Clements, the Warden, is aware and will contact the appropriate medical/social personnel as necessary. I would, therefore, ask you to be a little circumspect in corresponding with him but, hopefully, he will remember my telling him about your phone call and subsequent letter.

My father did inform me that there is another Hipsey in Maidenhead, namely a Miss J - whether or not he is confusing her forename with his daughter's I do not know: he has knocked on her door but received an unsympathetic reception; she appears to be about 60 to 70 daddy thinks. She apparently lives in a flat in Southgates, St Ives Road, Maidenhead, which property is a very posh block of privately-owned senior citizens' accommodation. I regret I had no time for more detective work in my recent visit to Maidenhead but will be there again in February when my sister also plans to visit daddy. My sister, Ann, was born on 3 October 1938: this is now a National holiday being the day of unification - she married a German, Walter Elflein (who coincidentally has the same birthday as daddy although 26 years later) and is resident at 28 . . . Germany. I would assume that there will be no necessity for you to correspond with her as you can be in touch through me - and in any case her name is no longer Hipsey - but I will be telling her about your contact with me as she has always tried to persuade daddy to reminisce about his childhood and count his blessings rather than moaning about the present. I have a nephew aged 31, Martin; a niece aged 28, Stefanie and a younger nephew aged 20, Johannes. None of the children are married yet. My remark, during our telephone conversation, about Burkes Peerage arose from my father's receipt of a similar package to the one I enclose - which I received after my father complained to me (I do not want it back). He was off to see his solicitor as how was he to know who Burkes Peerage was - and setting themselves up as saying Hipseys were listed with the aristocracy, etc, etc. But daddy has as long as I can recollect been in need of something to grumble/take personal offence about and, up until his recent intellectual deterioration (if not assumed to have already happened), has been the bane of the Maidenhead residents' lives - constantly bombarding them with unpleasant missives posted through their doors about the state of the world we live in. Some of my friends with unusual surnames in Plymouth have, in actual fact, sent for this book. It is quite interesting giving tips on how to search out ones family tree, heraldic signs, etc; and a list of the appropriately named people appears appended. One friend pointed out that this was out of date as he is listed in the USA whereas he has been in France for 3 years (when not visiting his parents in Plymouth). He feels sure that the name "Burkes Peerage" has simply been purchased for publicity purposes and he was most insistent that most of the information comes from - or can be obtained from the Mormon Church records in America.

I feel sure that the reason your received such a frosty reception from the Mr Hipsey you telephoned in Plympton was because he had received one of the Burkes Peerage packages and thought you were an agent for the publishers making a nuisance of yourself. Let me assure you that I have no doubts about communicating with you myself on a basis of friendship and distant kinship. Mr V B Hipsey is still listed in the telephone directory as being at 37 . . . Plymouth. Do have another go at approaching the chap as I never seem to have got round to it although I noticed his name next to mine some years ago: it would be great fun to communicate about a near neighbour across an ocean! As you will have gathered - it did seem impractical for me to attempt to correspond in time for Christmas as this challenge has really gripped my interest and I anticipated writing a long letter. I will however now dispatch it with apologies for my verbosity and very best wishes for you and your family for 1996.

Jeanette